From the start of my journey to now I have lost a total of 22 pounds. I am officially the lowest weight that I have been since middle school, which is really sad if you think about it. In my last weigh-in I weighed 237.4 pounds. 237.4 pounds. That's still a huge number! Especially on a girl in her early teens. But, I'm going to focus on the positives. I'm making changes and trying to give myself the life I know I deserve. The best thing about this journey is how I feel. I notice the changes in my body and in my mental state from eating less and eating healthier food. I also notice the changes when I pig out of start to go to my old habits. I feel sluggish and weighed down. I like that I can notice these things now. It proves that I am actually changing as a person and that I'm changing my mindset on food.

So let's talk about this weight loss. How did I achieve it? I'd like to take all the credit, but I can't. After over 10 years of being obese and overweight I decided to consult my doctor and try to find a solution. I was experiencing scary health issues and I was afraid of them getting worse. Not to mention the incredibly scary family medical history I have. I asked my doctor if I could try an appetite suppressant. Now before you get your panties in a bunch, hear me out. I know that "weight loss pills" are usually NOT the answer to weight loss. However from my own experience once I start lowering my portion sizes, I notice a general decrease in my hunger. I attribute this to my stomach and my body getting used to consuming less amounts of food. Decreased appetite combined with lifestyle changes is guaranteed success! So before I started phentermine (the prescription appetite suppressant) I made sure to start changing my lifestyle. I told myself if I can make progress on my own and change the way I look at food, then and only then will I give this a shot. I cut my portions, ate healthier food, and started an exercise routine. Now I know your thinking, "Then why go on a pill?!" Honestly, I wanted to expedite my weight loss. In my personal case it is extremely important for me to lose weight as efficiently as possible. I was borderline pre-diabetic with a predisposition to many life threatening illnesses, some of which I started noticing symptoms. I can only imagine what kind of havoc my body is in after being obese for a majority of my life. I'm using phentermine as a tool to help expedite the weight loss I would already be achieving on my own.

With all that being said, I am incredibly proud of the success I have had. I hit my first goal, which was to be in the 230's. My next goal is to be 220 pounds. A number I haven't seen since I was 12 years old. This time is different and I can really feel it. I'm excited and I'm starting to see an actual healthy life in my future.

From 1/2/16 (a little late lol):

Yay! It's a new year! Last year was a year of extreme highs and lows. I started the year off living and working in at Walt Disney World, the middle of the year was filled with hopelessness and depression, and by the end of 2015 I was filled with new hope. Now is the time to start my new path in life. The Routine becomes real and it's time for me to seriously consider my health and live the life I was meant to live. I'm excited for 2016 and the opportunities it presents for a clean slate. I haven't felt this good emotionally for years so now is the best time to match that physically. Soon I'll be getting my gym membership and incorporating physical activity in my life. The last time I was an avid gym goer I loved it. As long as I keep that momentum up I know I can do this.

So technically I haven't started officially trying to be healthy, but I figured I would put forth some kind of effort. However, I've been struggling just like I always have. The difference though is that I'm going to keep going. Usually at this point I would just throw in the towel, but not this time.  I can't give up. I need to accept that my life is on the line if I don't change. My mother died at the age of 49 due to complications from diabetes. It wasn't a quick death, but two long decades of periodic deterioration including the lost of her eyesight in one eye and her leg. I know after watching and living through this that I would never survive this disease. It would destroy me. I can't give up unless I'm planning to give up on life, which I am not ready to do. So this was a setback. I know that I'm going to face daily struggles and obstacles, but I have to know to keep going. I have to have the perseverance to get through it. It's the holidays so am I going to slack, yes, but I can't let it destroy the progress I've made and the progress I want to make.

So, I guess I should have explained a little bit more of my plan. The times where I have been the most successful with weight loss were when I was obsessed with it. This time around I plan to be obsessed with living a healthy realistic lifestyle. Through my depression basically all I did was lay around and sleep. While I love doing that, I know I need to re-learn to be productive. So I've come up with "The Routine". Basically it is a list/schedule of things I want to get done throughout the day to take care of myself. Right now it's a pretty basic list, but right now it's like I'm a child learning things for the first time. Once I get these things done I'll slowly add more.It reads as followed:

Daily Routine

Wake Up

Brush Teeth

Mouthwash

Take Vitamins/supplements

Breakfast

Exercise 1-2 hours

Shower 

Moisturize

Do Makeup/Hair

Lunch

*Snacks*

Dinner

Skincare Routine

Brush Teeth

Mouthwash

Right now this is my main concern. With the breakfast, lunch, and dinner I want to keep health in mind. I don't plan on actively calorie counting until the new year when I get a little bit more serious. Right now I just want to get in the right mindset. I've been following the routine for the last three days now and I feel better in some way. I like following the routine, it's a great guide to help me through the day.

Hi! This is my own personal journal of the new life I hope to create. In all honesty, I'm sick. I am sick and tired of the life I am living. My life has been an emotional roller coaster the last year and a half. Which has only made my health worse. I've been overweight for the majority of my life. I'm not sure how and I'm not sure why. I think genetics pays a part as well as my family life and my own eating habits. I've tried to lose the weight more times than I can count. I've tried a multitude of fad diets as well as doing it the natural and healthy way. I've had minor successes in both but have always reverted back to my old ways. After somehow managing to climb out of the depression I was in, I've decided to fight for my life. There have been days now where I wake up happy! That was something I couldn't imagine a couple months ago. I've taken it as a sign from God that he wants me to get my life together. He wants me to be the best person I can be for myself.

Luckily I've been able to maintain the weight loss from my last go around. My highest weight was 268.4 pounds. Almost 270 pounds! I never ever want to see that number again. I gained this weight during the beginning of my depression when I just didn't give a damn. However, one day I looked in the mirror and realized I needed to make a change. Through months of yo-yoing I've been able to get down to about 248.5, which is the weight I last recorded about a month ago. A loss of about 20 pounds.

It's a great start, but I know I can do better. I just want to be healthy! If you've ever been depressed you know how bad you can get at self maintenance. Now I want to make up for lost time and get myself in the right place. I want to take care care of my mind, my body, and my life. So, here we go. A journey of self exploration and learning. A chance to become the person I know I was meant to be.